Carl’s Jr: comme ci, comme ça

I used to overindulge in fast food. It was sort of a big part of the military culture. Back when I was in the Air Force, the bases where I was stationed had multiple fast food “restaurants”, and they became the standby option during those hours when the chow hall simply wasn’t open for business. All we had for cooking food in the dorms was a microwave, so fast food just seemed plain ol’ necessary at times. And, it was easy! Nowadays, fast food is what happens when I forget to take the chicken thighs out of the freezer. It’s a rare occurrence, spurred on by poor planning or extreme laziness. Honestly, I probably frequent a fast food establishment no more than twice a month, so that my pancreas has time to recover.

My six years in the military have turned me into a bit of an expert on fast food joints. I am not going to run through the gamut of choices, since writing about fast food barely qualifies as fodder for a self-respecting food blog (just as most “fast food” barely qualifies as food for the self-respecting person). I just want to make my case for Carl’s Jr as a passable food option for the desparate. To do this, I must first put Carl’s Jr up against Sonora’s other local options. Forget about McDonald’s completely, because they serve the blandest filler imaginable. Taco Bell’s ingredients are squeezed out of sterile tubes and microwaved, as far as I can tell. I am fairly certain that their beef is never cooked the same day. Forget Jack in the Box, because their burgers seriously taste like wet cat food. That leaves us with no less than two tolerable options: Burger King and Carl’s Jr. Burger King is a couple of miles out of the way for me, but even if the two were right next to each other, I would always pick Carl’s. This is because their burgers actually taste like burgers, and more importantly, they have the burger with the onion rings inside called the Western Bacon Cheeseburger (only $3.36, tax included). That means you don’t have to order a side of rings, because they’re already in there. Don’t order the meal. Wait until you get home to eat that burger, so that you can have a beer with it. If you’re going to be this decadent, you might as well go for broke!

Let’s hope Paul posts another food blog quickly, so that we can push this one into obscurity in short order!

-Sav