Carl’s Jr: comme ci, comme ça

I used to overindulge in fast food. It was sort of a big part of the military culture. Back when I was in the Air Force, the bases where I was stationed had multiple fast food “restaurants”, and they became the standby option during those hours when the chow hall simply wasn’t open for business. All we had for cooking food in the dorms was a microwave, so fast food just seemed plain ol’ necessary at times. And, it was easy! Nowadays, fast food is what happens when I forget to take the chicken thighs out of the freezer. It’s a rare occurrence, spurred on by poor planning or extreme laziness. Honestly, I probably frequent a fast food establishment no more than twice a month, so that my pancreas has time to recover.

My six years in the military have turned me into a bit of an expert on fast food joints. I am not going to run through the gamut of choices, since writing about fast food barely qualifies as fodder for a self-respecting food blog (just as most “fast food” barely qualifies as food for the self-respecting person). I just want to make my case for Carl’s Jr as a passable food option for the desparate. To do this, I must first put Carl’s Jr up against Sonora’s other local options. Forget about McDonald’s completely, because they serve the blandest filler imaginable. Taco Bell’s ingredients are squeezed out of sterile tubes and microwaved, as far as I can tell. I am fairly certain that their beef is never cooked the same day. Forget Jack in the Box, because their burgers seriously taste like wet cat food. That leaves us with no less than two tolerable options: Burger King and Carl’s Jr. Burger King is a couple of miles out of the way for me, but even if the two were right next to each other, I would always pick Carl’s. This is because their burgers actually taste like burgers, and more importantly, they have the burger with the onion rings inside called the Western Bacon Cheeseburger (only $3.36, tax included). That means you don’t have to order a side of rings, because they’re already in there. Don’t order the meal. Wait until you get home to eat that burger, so that you can have a beer with it. If you’re going to be this decadent, you might as well go for broke!

Let’s hope Paul posts another food blog quickly, so that we can push this one into obscurity in short order!

-Sav

Stir-fry: le gourmet célibataire

For this week’s blog entry, I am bringing back an old standby. A few years ago, I was feeling bored with my usual easy dinners, and decided to wade into the exciting and flavourful waters of a great bachelor’s classic: the stir-fry. The stir-fry is a very simple, decadent, and lively production, and a great way to take care of leftover vegetables while potentially creating even more leftover vegetables in the process. I have probably made a dozen or so stir-frys, so I am going to give you some pro-tips along the way, and would gladly welcome any suggestions you might have. I’m always workin’ on my stir-fry!

Before leaving work today, I considered what I already had back at the apartment: 1/2 red pepper, 1/2 red onion, garlic, frozen peas, limes, jalapeños, multitudinous oils, vinegars and sauces (anyone who has already made a stir-fry or three has lots of fancy stir-fry ingredients on hand). Everything else needed for this meal should be found for dirt cheap at the Gross-Out (discount supermarket a.k.a. “Grocery Outlet”). When I got there, I picked up a green bell pep (50¢), zucchini (50¢), a pound of bean sprouts (99¢), and a bag of California Stir Fry Vegetables ($1.99, this is a great deal, the veggies are already chopped and you can freeze ‘em real good for later). The deal of the day was one dozen cage free eggs for only $1.79! You will need an egg for the stir-fry (pro-tip #1). The only thing Gross-Out didn’t have was tofu. Bummer! I had to go down the street and pay full price. While I was at the “regular” supermarket, I got a few crimini mushrooms as well.

The time consuming part of this process is the chopping. Chop all of your vegetables up the way you like. Take your time and chop the garlic very finely (always). It is worth the effort. I had a problem with the jalaps. They were in the freezer. I froze them whole and thawed them out in water, like Paul said I should. Unfortunately, they ended up being mushy, and the seeds were an unappetizing brown colour. I chopped them up anyways, and they ended up being fine, but is there a better way to preserve a pepper so they stay crisp? I was a little unsure about the tofu. Truth be told, I have never cooked tofu before, nor have I ever purchased it. When I got to the store, I realized there were three options: soft, firm and very firm. I had to call around until I finally got a hold of my friend, #211321, a real gourmand’s gourmand. He said I should buy the firm, because the very firm tends to break up in the wok while frying (pro-tip #2). I just chopped the wholly unappetizing block of tofu into 1/2 inch cubes, and put half of it in the freezer (we’ll see how that works out).

The next step is to cook the meat (or tofu) and set it aside. For this, we use our seasoned cast-iron skillet. Think about what you want your tofu to taste like, because tofu is nothing but an eager flavour sponge (pro-tip #3). I used some of what I already had in the fridge: bacon fat. Put enough bacon fat on the skillet so that when you get it all hot and sizzly, the individual tofu cubes glide across the surface of your pan easily. I had no idea what the tofu should look like when it was fully cooked, but since it’s just mashed-up soybeans, there’s no need to worry about salmonella or anything like that. I just fried them until they were somewhat nutty brown-coloured. I then moved the skillet aside to make room for the wok.

Unfortunately, I purchased my wok without knowing what the hell I was doing, and ended up buying a teflon wok. A good wok should be made out of carbon steel, or at least stainless steel or some other non-non-stick type of metal (pro-tip #4). To properly fry a stir-fry, you need to get that sucker wicked hot. Vegetable oil will smoke at high temperatures, so use peanut oil or some other hot-burning oil. I like using a nice, aromatic peanut oil, because I want the peanut flavour to stand out in my stir-fry (pro-tip #5). Once it gets going, dump all vegetables except the garlic, bean sprouts and mushrooms. Stir around for a few seconds, then start dumping all of your other oils and sauces, one at a time. Definitely use a big dollop of peanut butter at this point. Soy sauce, chili paste, rice vinegar, etc. Squeeze the lime juice in there.

There’s a million ways to spice it up. Keep everything sizzling until the peppers are pretty soft, then throw in the other veggies and the tofu. In a few more seconds, push everything to the side of the wok and crack an egg in there. Scramble it up and push it all back together. You’re done!

The hardest part about this meal is making it for only one person. For many meals, it’s OK to make a lot, because it stores well. Stir-fry does not freeze very well and it’s really only good in the fridge for a day or two (pro-tip #6). I will be eating stir-fry for lunch and dinner tomorrow, and that should take care of it. Good luck and happy frying!

-Sav

Leftover Magic

Like many people, I often find myself without the time or energy to food shop.  Almost with bi-weekly precision, the rations of fresh ingredients and sundries begin to dry up in the house.  Sometimes all you are left with are the basics; items by themselves which, upon first glance, appear to offer little in the way of a satisfying meal.  This meal is a testament to the belief that you can almost always throw together something satisfying, if not amazing, with the basics.  This of course all depends on what your ‘basics’ are.

On this very night I found myself without any “real” food in the house.  As the hour hand spun towards ungodly times for dinner preparation and my stomach pangs grew audible I was forced to think fast.  I rooted around to see what the cabinets and fridge had to offer.  I first found a bag of arugula from one of the gardens I run that was not truly suitable for a salad.  I had gleaned it from a bed of greens that was going to seed; in this bag of arugula were many flowering buds and woody stems.  Still unsure of how it would fit into something I washed it anyway and continued my search.

Next I stumbled upon some walnuts in the cupboard, one of the items I always try to keep a ration of.  As I looked in the nearly empty fruit bowl I saw that I had a sorry looking lemon.  I quickly realized that I had the basic ingredients for an arugula pesto.  

In to the Cuisinart went the above ingredients with a couple healthy glugs of olive oil, a little grated parmeasan, pepper, and a little salt.  I left that sucker run for a couple of minutes while I scoured the kithchen for what would go with it.

I found some dried nests of linguine.  I always buy these at the store.  They keep really well and are a great substitute for fresh pasta.  While some may scoff at the extra couple of bucks it costs to buy them I say “who cares”.  Real pasta is made with flour and eggs.  Pasta that you buy in a box is full of crap that is just empty starch.  Buying good pasta prepared with eggs insures that you get a good dose of protein from your pasta.  I find the nests to be perfectly portioned and much more filling that the boxed stuff.  

While I set the nests in heavily salted water to boil I looked in the fridge once again.  I discovered, tucked away in the dark corner of a drawer, two soft and flimsy summer squash.  I quickly diced them up with some onions and started browning them in a pan in olive oil and butter.

Another thing I aim to never let my fridge be without is cheap white wine.  Cheap wine, like ketchup, should be on hand at all times.  When frying or making a saute, wine is a great tool for enhancing flavor and making basic sauces from de-glazing.  

Another great part of the pasta nests is that the cooking time is half of normal dried pasta.  By the time the veggies were finished the pasta was too. I placed the dripping pasta straight into the pan sans colander and stirred the whole mess together with a little more butter and wine.  I quickly plated the pasta, placed a huge dollop of pesto in the center, grated some more cheese on top, and sprinkled some parsley on top.  Voila !!! Dinner is served!

David

Eggs: Je te mangé, je te mange, je te mangerai.

I love eggs. They are very much a traditional part of my weekend routine. I eat eggs on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Almost always, I make fried eggs. Two of them, somewhere between over-easy and over-medium. After years of practice, I almost never break the yolks. This is always accompanied by three or four slices of bacon, toasted English muffin with jam, coffee, and orange juice. On occasion, circumstances require an alternate method of preparing eggs. I have one ace in the hole for such an occasion, an exceedingly simple method with infinite permutations. I call it thumbs-up eggs!

Thumbs-up Eggs #473: Mexican Thumbs-up

This morning, I woke up a little bit later than usual. If the mood strikes you, then this is reason enough to celebrate with a new incarnation of thumbs-up eggs. Because T.U.E. takes a little more time to prepare than fried eggs, and because it has a significantly higher caloric value, it is best consumed as a late-morning brunch. Making this dish with three eggs virtually guarantees that another meal won’t be necessary until evening. So, start by cracking three eggs into a small bowl. Pour a tablespoon or so of milk in there. This will make the eggs fluffier. Beat the milk and eggs together with a fork and set aside. Next, go into the fridge and see what you’ve got for vegetables. This morning, I had the following: red onion, garlic, green and red bell peps, crimini mushrooms, and cilantro. Chop everything up and set it aside.

Next, fry three pieces of bacon in the skillet. If you don’t have a cast-iron skillet, for God’s sake, buy one. Once the bacon is done, remove it, and pour all but two or three tablespoons of bacon fat into a glass jar and put it in the freezer. You can make soap out of it someday. In the hot and sizzly bacon fat, fry your vegetables (except the cilantro, you should put this in the bowl with the eggs). I fry everything in a certain order. It’s probably not wise to dump everything in at once. I like to fry the onions and garlic first. I know you should probably fry the garlic last to retain the flavor, but I find that throwing it in with the onions is just fine. After a minute, throw in the peppers, and after another minute, do the mushrooms. Once the mushrooms soak up the deliciousness of everything else, it’s time to dump the eggs.

OK, but before you dump the eggs into the vegetables, what kind of cheese do you have? Thumbs-up eggs demands cheese. Anything is good, use whatever you like. I still have a bunch of Mexican cheese left over from the party. Mexican cheese and cilantro are what make this the Mexican version of T.U.E. Add the cheese to the eggs/cilantro combination, stir, and dump onto the skillet. Now just stir the whole mess around with a spatula and let it cook until the eggs are firm. Make sure you are toasting an English muffin in the meantime. Put it all on a plate and you’re good to go. Don’t forget to add Tapatío hot sauce, the best hot sauce for eggs, bar none.

I was all out of orange juice, so I used some leftover pommegranite juice from the party. Coffee courtesy of Blue Bottle, Inc.

-Sav